Codependency
Originally coined with regard to substance abusers and their personal relationships, the term “codependency” is now used to describe a wide array of circumstances. At its core, codependency is about a cyclical need for another person as he or she is, even in the face of deep-seated psychological issues on one or both sides.
Abuser and Codependent
Codependency has been likened to a chronic disease or condition. In its typical form, it includes an “abuser,” or the person who has a problem or addiction, and the “codependent,” who seeks outwardly to help the abuser and yet relies on his or her condition for purpose and self-worth.
Some common traits of abusers include:
- Rebelliousness
- Anger
- Helplessness
- Self-pity
- Guilt and shame
- Secretiveness
The codependent, on the other hand, frequently expresses the following:
- Denial
- Possessiveness
- Judgment
- Martyrdom
- Overprotection
It is worthwhile to note that some people see codependency as an overused or misguided psychological model that makes nurturing behavior seem like a crime. However, proponents see the distinction between caring and codependency revolving around the lack of genuine happiness or progress on either end.
Effect on Divorce and Mediation
The dynamic between people in a codependent relationship is one of the most difficult to deal with in divorce cases. Couples can veer wildly between wanting to be apart, even expressing spite for the other party, and an almost compulsive, physical need to be with him or her. Codependent couples seeking separation may in reality need some time physically apart or counseling to break these bonds.
Contact Us
As the issue of codependency makes painfully clear, divorce is never a clear-cut business, no matter how strongly we may feel it necessary. For more information on the steps you can take toward peacefully resolving you and your current partner’s split, contact the experienced San Jose divorce attorneys of The Law Office of Daniel Jensen, P.C., today by calling 408-296-4100.
