Just Having a Real Gouda Time

We’re back with a new show, and we’d like to give a big shout-out to the people of Milwaukee! Thanks for letting us bring our goofiest show to you all!

This week, we’re poking fun at tourists, and maybe at ourselves—we all took some snacks home, to be sure. Check out our latest script below, and keep an eye on this page for more stories. 

The lights come up, and three people enter the stage. Two of them are wearing cheese-shaped hats. 

“I just cannot believe we’re getting to see all this cheese up close and in person!” one woman says, clapping her hands in excitement. “I mean, sure, I grew up on a farm, but like, getting to see the whole process in person? So cool. I really think I was… Fon-due a visit.” 

The man puts his arm around her shoulder, adjusting the massive cheese slice on his head. “It truly is gouda to see.” 

The third woman sighs, putting her whole body into the motion of it. “Guys, you’re seriously embarrassing me. This was supposed to be a fun little friend trip. I know everyone else bailed, but you guys aren’t really that into cheese, are you? Lisa, you didn’t even grow up on a farm!” 

The woman scoffs. “You’re gonna really have to butter-cheese me up if you’re going to accuse me of lying, Joan.” 

“You guys know that’s a football thing, right? People aren’t just super-fans of cheese?” 

“You gotta brie kidding me!” 

“Sammy, I know we just got here, but if you two keep up the cheese puns, you’re going to need a Milwaukee personal injury lawyer because I’m about to personally injure you.”

“Wouldn’t you need, like, the police first?” Lisa says, then considers that. “ Edam-it, I don’t have a joke for that.” 

Joan pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. “Did you guys plan this or something? I don’t know if I can stomach these jokes the whole time.” 

“Alright, you want the truth? We’re actually mice in disguise,” Sammy says. “We’re just super into cheese because we’re mice, and we just wanted to have a super cheesy, fun little trip. We thought you might appreciate it.” He sighs, hands on his hips. “I guess we were wrong.” 

Joan stares at them for a long moment . . . then bursts into laughter, “That’s so much worse than your goofy cheese puns, oh wow! Fine, fine, you guys can do your goofy couple stuff, but at least try out some new material with the puns, would you? And you don’t have to come up with a goofy reason for wanting cheese. Just, you know, ease up on the jokes.”

“Hey, these jokes are nacho for you. Nacho—” Lisa frowns. “Well, I’ll work on it while we’re on the tour, let’s just get a move on!” 

The three turn away from the audience and walk away, revealing that Lisa and Sammy do, in fact, have long mouse tails behind them. The lights dim. 

Alright, we had promised we wouldn’t get too out there with the jokes, but these cheese puns are too good not to share! If you missed us in Milwaukee, though, don’t worry—we have future shows planned for our little troupe. Just keep an eye on your local theatre space for us! 

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