The Customer Is Always Right!

And we’re back once again with a brand-new skit! A big thank you to all our fans who came to visit, who said hello after the show, and who told us what they liked. Your feedback helps us make our show great. 

This week, we’re stepping away from the family drama and moving into retail drama. This goes out to all our fans who have had any run-ins with especially difficult customers—let’s just hope you didn’t have one of these.

The curtain opens on a woman in a pharmacist’s coat, humming to herself as she fills prescriptions. A woman in an outfit one could only describe as “loud and pink” comes up to the counter and begins ringing the bell over and over, without stopping. 

“Ma’am, I’m right here.” She steps up to the cash register, then snatches the bell. “May I help you?” 

“Uh, yeah, that’s kinda your whole thing.” She sniffs. “I’m here to pick up my medication.” 

“Right, and your name?” 

The woman sneers. “Ugh, you doctor types, always trying to steal my information.” 

“Ma’am, please, I can’t look up your prescription until I have your name and date of birth.” 

“You know, you’re never supposed to ask a woman her age.” 

“I’m sorry, but that’s my job.” 

The woman sighs and huffs, but she gives the information, glancing out at the audience before leaning far over the counter and whispering it to the pharmacist. 

The pharmacist thanks her, then disappears into the back to get the medication. She returns with two small bottles. “Alright, now, the instructions are printed on the bottles, but you’ll need to take these as needed whenever you have symptoms. You’ll just—” 

“Could you do something about the bottles?” 

“Excuse me?” 

“The bottles! Ugh, if you’re going to give me so much trouble, I can just take my business elsewhere. You’re not the only compounding pharmacy in NY, you know.” The woman stresses the acronym, as though making a point. The pharmacist’s face says she doesn’t know what that point could be. 

“What do you think is wrong with the bottles, ma’am?” 

“They’re that awful orange color! It’s like, prison, but for pills. That’s super messed up. Maybe you could put it in a blue bottle? Like, why orange?” 

“Ma’am, we don’t carry an assortment of pill bottles. You could always put them in your own bottle, though, when you’re home.” 

“I guess. Ugh. What else?” She shakes the bottle. “These taste good, right? Because, like, the stuff I was taking before just tasted bad.” 

“What were you … wait a minute.” She reads over the list of ingredients. “This is just ibuprofen! This is over-the-counter pain relief! Why would you request it here?”

“Uh, because it tastes gross, duh! If I get a little headache, I don’t want it to taste bad to fix it.”

The pharmacist pinches her nose and counts slowly back from ten. “Fine. Okay. Whatever. Just take your medication and go.”

“Ugh, rude! Believe me, I’ll be contacting your manager.” She turns on her heel and stomps out.

“Believe me, so will I,” the pharmacist mutters, and the scene fades to black. 

We’ve all known a difficult customer or two, right? Let’s just hope they weren’t that difficult. Thanks again to all our viewers—we couldn’t do it without you. Tune in next time for more skits and sketches.

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